i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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