Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
