so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
