i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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