She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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