If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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