So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
