Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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