I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
