just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
