I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
