i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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