are you so shy because you have an std?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
