New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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