Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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