do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
