is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
