The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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