He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
