ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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