ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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