Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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