oh god the rape fog is back!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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