I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
how drunk are you?
Several
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
