Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
