FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
