Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i drank out of a bidet.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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