Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I could fuck to npr.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
