Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
