I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
