I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
