i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ladies don't puke and tell
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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