is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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