dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
