I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
