I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
