Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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