1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I just found puke in my bra..
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
