matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
