That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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