He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
