please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think people are normalizing furries
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
