Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
God, I missed his penis.
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