I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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