I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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