how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
