the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
