So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
