come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
