So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I touched a dick in church today
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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