Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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