I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
