shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
