we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
