im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
