remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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